RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE ...

I got an e-mail from my friend, Sandy, and I think it is cute enough to share with all of you!

Now, all you 'boo-birds', I know someone will run this through Snopes but I don't use Snopes anymore after seeing how biased they are against conservatives so, have fun! (Another story)

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere....but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said. "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though .My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

WALKING AND BEER:

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year. Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

Later...