i A Time and a Place...: I OWE MY MOTHER FOR ALL SHE TAUGHT ME!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

I OWE MY MOTHER FOR ALL SHE TAUGHT ME!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC:
“Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER:
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM:
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you


Later...

4 Comments:

Blogger Calamity Man said...

point no 6 really struck me. THAT is the exact same reason why i wear clean, nice-looking underwear everyday.

i'm paranoid.

in other news, i read in the uh, news today in the newspaper aptly called TODAY, that the al qaeda is now targetting at "a big, financial hub in asia" and the top 3 targets as reported are japan, australia.

their ambition is to create chaos. purely that.

do i agree with their ambitions? no. and so do most muslims here.

God, what i said in your comment a few posts ago seems so real... so close now... it's scary.

i hope they don't succeed otherwise they're gonna incur the wrath of my government.

9:12 AM  
Blogger echotig said...

#15 is really really funny!

9:38 AM  
Blogger CA said...

I certainly agree it is scary. I hope your city isn't hit by terrorists. Those people are nuts and don't care whom they hurt.

I put the paper, 'Today', in my news folder. I like having it to check on your city.

8:08 PM  
Blogger Calamity Man said...

oops, i forgot "and singapore" after "australia" in paragraph 3.

9:59 AM  

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