THE N---- BEFORE CHRISTMAS ...

The Christmas season has started and what better way to usher it in than a favorite Christmas Poem. I decided to post one of the most beloved poems on my blog.

However, after the fiasco with Dog, the bounty hunter's choice of words, I think discretion is the better part of valor so I have edited it a bit so it will be politically correct and can be accepted by everyone and fully enjoyed.

Like every report on TV and in the printed word about Dog's language, I have omitted all n words. And to be on the safe side, I also omitted all the H words,(h-----rhymes with donkey) all K words (K--- rhymes with hike) and all W words. (W-- rhymes with top)

I considered omitting all G words,(God) C words (Christ) and Q words(Queer or the equivalent) but, what the hey, we need to have a little leeway, don't we?

Anyhow, here is the poem. Enjoy!

THE N---- BEFORE CHRISTMAS
'Twas the n---- before Christmas, w--- all through the h----
N-- a creature w-- stirring, n-- even a mouse;
The stockings w--- h--- by the chimney w--- care,
In h---- that St. N------- soon w---- be there;

The children w--- n------ all snug in their beds,
W---- visions of sugar-plums danced in their h----;
And mamma in her 'k-------, and I in my cap,
H-- just settled down for a long w-----‘- n--,

W--- out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see w--- w-- the matter.
Away to the w----- I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the n---fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
W---, w--- to my w-------- eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

W--- a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I k--- in a moment it must be St. N---.
More rapid than eagles h-- coursers they came,
And h- w-------, and shouted, and called them by n---;

"N--, Dasher! N--, Dancer! N--, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the w---!
N-- dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the w--- h-------- fly,
W--- they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the h-----top the coursers they flew,
W--- the sleigh full of toys, and St. N------- too.

And then, in a twinkling, I h---- on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little h---.
As I drew in my h---, and w-- turning around,
Down the chimney St. N------- came w--- a bound.

H- w-- dressed all in fur, from h-- h--- to h-- foot,
And h-- clothes w--- all tarnished w--- ashes and soot;
A bundle of toys h- h-- flung on h-- back,
And h- looked like a peddler just opening h-- pack.


H-- eyes – h-- they twinkled! H-- dimples h-- merry!
H-- cheeks w--- like roses, h-- n--- like a cherry!
H-- droll little mouth w-- drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of h-- chin w-- as w---- as the snow;

The stump of a pipe h- h--- tight in h-- teeth,
And the smoke it encircled h—h--- like a w-----;
H- h-- a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, w--- h- laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

H- was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed w--- I saw h--, in spite of myself;
A w--- of h-- eye and a twist of h-- h---,
Soon gave me to k--- I h-- n------ to dread;

H- spoke not a w---, but went straight to h—w---,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying h-- finger aside of h-- nose,
And giving a n--, up the chimney h- rose;

H- sprang to his sleigh, to h-- team gave a w------,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I h---- h-- exclaim, ere h- drove out of sight,
"H---- Christmas to all, and to all a good-n----."

Later...