JC and Donna Lee...I Cannot Post Beyond This Page...Not Ever...

I can't post on this place anymore...it would be a sin for me...I will leave this as it is to honor my sweet Donna Lee...

My sweet little girl...my life...my Donna Lee...Today you have been in Heaven for two years...it seems like a thousand years...I miss you every day and love you forever...you are the best part of my life,-even now you are gone...I long for the day we will be back together in body as we are now in spirit...I love you, dear...and miss you so much...Your Teddy Bear always...JC...Jim...James...

My sweet Donna Lee, you are 74 years old today, November 13...I will love you forever...Your Teddy bear,-JC...


I'll go on now with my life but this blog will stay like it is...my sweet wife went to Heaven on September the fourteenth, of 2009, at 04:30 in the afternoon...now,on September the thirtieth of 2010, I dedicate this blog to her sweet memory. I love you, my wife, and I keep your memory in my heart forever...Now I leave you here...where we last met...I'm yours always...your teddy bear...James...


It has been a year now since you went away...it seems like an eternity...I thought to write in this blog again and go on with things...but now that I am here, that would be so hard to do...it would be like saying it is finally over...you are gone forever and will never return to me...I just can't do it...I'll just say,-I love you so much and miss you terribly, every day,-every second of my life...nothing can ever be the same...nothing will ever be 'all right'...

I want to tell you,-I have a friend now,-you know her..Catarina Fonseca, Tina of Tinorbison...she has been so loving and caring...she mentions you often,-to say how wonderful you are...how perfect you and I are together...she has given me a reason for some kind of existence,-a reason to be alive...

Even so, to be with you again is my dream...I only await the day when I can see you...touch your sweet face again...I'll wait to write more in this blog...Maybe God will send me a sign when it is time...but not now...not today...
My sweet wife, I love you always and forever...I am your teddy bear...your JC...

"Happy Birthday, my sweet rose! Today you are as old as me. Today I have loved you for seventy three years and will always love you! Forever, your teddybear..." November 13...

Donna Lee went to Heaven at 4:30 pm today. I cannot imagine what it will be like without her here with me. I know I'll see her again but it's sure going to be lonesome waiting for that time to come.

Thank all of you friends for your love and support. Donna Lee didn't know most of you but, since I love you, I know she loved you, too. That's the way we were; and still are and will always be.

"Hi, Sweetie! I can see you looking down at me. I just want to tell you one more time how much I love you.I love you more than everything else in the world all put together. And I know you love me. We'll always be together, my Sweetie, my Honey; My Donna Lee."

I feel like I should add this poem. I didn't know when I wrote it it would be for my honey. It is very sad.

It's Really Hard To Say a Last Goodbye...

It's really hard to say a last goodbye,-
To know you'll never see someone again,-
To see the look of loss and know that this
Will be the last time that you'll see your friend.
You gently come to her and take her hand,-
You don't know what it is you're gonna say,-
You'd rather not say anything at all;
You never thought you two would part this way.

You feel a little lump start in your throat
And get a little quiver in your chin.
It's hard for you to look right in her eyes
And know you'll never look in them again.
Her soft brown eyes are asking you to speak
But that is not an easy thing to do.
What can you say that will make any sense
When you now know your friend is leaving you.

You've been together all these happy years
And never thought this love could ever end;
You never thought the Angels would appear
And with your love to Heaven would ascend.
But now her loving eyes begin to close;
You whisper that you love her and you cry.
You kiss her gently, then she goes away;
It's really hard to say a last goodbye.

This is a Roy Orbison song my sweetie and I just found on tinorbisons web site (from Portugal) and began listening to. I just have to post it. It is so profound.

Later...

Donna Update 9/9...Update 9/10...Update 9/11...9/12...9/13...

Another pretty good day. I learned a lot today, about caring for someone. Donna was looking sort of tired when I got there and I asked the nurse how long it had been since Donnas mouth was cleaned. She said about two hours and handed me a bottle of cleanser, a tube of lotion and some swabs and said told me I could do it.
I had done it a couple of times before but it was still scary for me; I was afraid of hurting her. But it turned out to be pretty easy. I just had to be careful to not scrub too hard.
Then I exercised her arms and feet and rubbed lotion on them and played some music for her. I recorded about an hour of Jazz (Take the A Train, etc) on a cd last night because Donna loves Jazz. She seemed to like it. She wasn't very responsive today but her numbers were all good.
Then came the really scary part. The nurse told me that she had to sit Donna up in a big padded chair. I left and she told me I should help because I might have to be doing things like this when Donna comes home. After a few minutes, I went back and helped the nurse and another big male nurse.
They were supposed to leave her in that sitting position for as long as she could stand it,maybe a half an hour. As it turned out, she sat there for over an hour and seemed to feel better after we put her back in the bed.
She didn't get dialysis today but will tomorrow. I'm going to start helping turn her and all the rest. I was always afraid I would hurt her but I know, as long as I am careful, it'll be all right.
I need to find a good hospital type bed for her for when she comes home. It sure is long here at night.
Thank all of you folks for your comments of encouragement and your prayers. We love you for them.
Always your friends, Jim and Donna Lee...

Thanks are in order to all of you who prayed for a good result from the MRI brain scan! I got the final results today and there is NO EVIDENCE OF A STROKE! 'Yay!'
Doctor Brussett came in and I told him about the results (I think he already knew) and he said, "See, like I told you,-just stick to your guns."
What a relief this is. Now we just keep on doing what we are doing and, one of these days, I'll be taking my Honey home!

She is off of all her meds except for an antibiotic for her bed rash and a saline drip. She may be transferred to a re-hab hospital in a week or so. That is a very good sign.

She was getting ready to have a dialysis when I left. Thank all of you for your love and support. We love you and I know God loves you.
Your friends, Jim and Donna Lee.

"

<Donna was some relaxed this morning. Her numbers were good and she didn't need dialysis yesterday. I played a new CD for her and I think she enjoyed it.

I sat in on the 'rounds' and the doctor showed the MRI of Donnas' brain. It didn't show anything bad that anyone could tell. One fellow pointed at a small triangular area and said that could be a compromising spot but he would wait for the main examiner to say.
Doctor Bartolo showed the scan to me up close and said he didn't see anything wrong at all.
Dr Hari said he didn't see anything bad that would cause a stroke.
A technician came in later and did an EEG (electroencephalograph). We should get the results of everything tomorrow. I'll let you all know.
Keep praying for her. We love you. Jim and Donna Lee.

Donna looked about the same today but her numbers were a bit better. They were good enough so she didn't need a dialysis today. That's a good sign.
A neurologist examined her last night and said she may have had a stroke. The MRI will show it if that is what happened.

Doctor Hari came in and we talked. I suggested to him that Donna might have suffered a slipped disc in her neck vertebrae.
He said he was glad I kept trying to come up with something but he doubted that was what happened.
He thinks it is as the result of the extreme trauma and pain that the brain shuts down the body. There is a name for it but it was so long I don't remember it. He said he doubts the MRI will show a stroke. I sure hope he is right.
He said, if what he suggested is right, it will just take time for Donnas' brain to allow her body to start up again. He says to just keep doing what we're doing and be patient. I thanked him and shook his hand for that opinion.
I played music for her part of the day and shut it off when she drifted off to sleep.
It sure is quiet in this house. I never realized how many sounds my Honey made.
Thank all of you,-we love you. Jim and Donna Lee...

I guess it's time to start a new post.

Donna looked a little bit more relaxed today. I think she is getting more pain medication. The MRI still wasn't done due to accident victims coming in. Her MRI isn't something that is crucial. She was getting a dialysis when I left.
There is a new male nurse and I don't think he fully knows the routine with Donnas care. I had to remind him today to turn her and clean her mouth. I hope we don't have words but I can't keep from saying something when something needs to be done.
Her numbers are still good. I took a new cd and played it for her and I exercised her some.
She seems to get a little better each day but it is such a small bit, you'd have to be there every day to see the improvement.
Some guy asked me if I ever went home and I told him that I am at home,-anywhere my Honey is is home.
Please keep praying for her. I know she will make it but it is sure getting to be a long time for her. Thank you all so much for your support. We love you. Always your friends, Jim and Donna Lee...

Donna Lee...Update 9/3...Update 9/4...Update 9/5...Update 9/7...Update 9/8...

Donna looked a little bit better today when I got there. She looked more relaxed (you have to see her every day to tell)than she did yesterday. I waited around for a while before I spoke to her; until she opened her eyes. She knew me right away. And the nurse, Roger, now says she knew him, too, and understood things. That's a very good sign,-him admitting that.
She has the brain scan MRI scheduled to be done this evening. The nurse had a chance to get her dialysis pretty early so he decided to do that first. I won't know anything on the MRI until tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed, that there'l be nothing bad in the scan results.
Roger told me I could bring a cd player in to play her cds. I went right out and got one at Best Buy and a set of speakers. The player is fine but the speakers don't do much so I'll use Donnas speakers from her computer.
I played a couple of songs and she looked like she enjoyed them but then she gat a little sad so I turned it off. I'll try tomorrow again and see if she will enjoy them, her favorite songs, without getting sad. I hope so.
The Infectious Disease doctor came by and checked her and told her, "Donna, you're getting better all the time." That's a really good sign. He told me her signs are good and stable and her white count is at 13, which is good for her condition.I have decided to ask the doctors to not say negative things within Donnas hearing range anymore. I know she understands things and I don't want her to get discouraged.

I love all of you folks, anonymous included, for being so caring and encouraging. It really means a lot to us. Always your friends, Jim and Donna...

Donna Lees numbers are about the same today as they were yesterday. I know she is aware of things sometimes. When I got there, I walked over to the other side of the bed, the way she was facing. I leaned down and told her hello and put my hand on her forehead and her eyes immediately locked on me. Her chin came up a couple of times like she wanted to say something. I told her I loved her and asked her if she was all right, I asked if she was in pain and tears started; she was crying.
I told Roger, the male nurse about it and told him she was in pain and Roger called Doctor Sam and was allowed to give her a little bit of a pain medication and, after a few minutes, she felt better. The problem was, then she didn't feel up to talking anymore so I left her alone for a while.

Of course, the doctors and the nurse take all of this with a grain of salt. However, Roger did tell Doctor Brussett that Donnas eyes had 'tracked'.

Donna didn't get the MRI today because of people being off for the holiday and a couple of accident victims came in and kept the technicians busy. They'll do it tomorrow.

There is some good news. They thought she might be bleeding from an ulcer so a doctor inserted a 'gastroscopy', (?)-a tube with a camera, into her stomach to check it out. He just called me here at home ten minutes ago
to say her stomach is clear! 'Yay!'What a great thing for him to do, to call me tonight!

That's about it for today. Thank you all so much for your love and support; for your caring and prayers. Always your friends, Jim and Donna Lee...

Donna looks about the same today except her breathing is a bit faster and, at times her heartbeat was a bit erratic.
Dr Lupersio went ahead and ordered an mri of her brain. I am anxious to see what it shows.

I will make this short as there isn't much to tell. Thank all of you folks for your love and encouragement. It really means a lot. I think about it sometimes when I am sitting in Donnas room. We love you for your prayers and thoughts.
Your friends, Jim and Donna...

Donna looked about the same today. Her numbers are good and I know she looks at me once in a while; her right eye follows my head movement slightly and I get a blink sometimes and this is all a good sign. I try to get her to squeeze my hand but she hasn't yet.
Her brain scan from yesterday showed no signs of a stroke. Doctor Lupersio said that if she doesn't awaken in a week he might get an mri of her brain. He said we'd have to think of something else. I told him that if she doesn't awaken in a week, we'd give her another week and another and as many as it takes for her to get well. I hope he felt the ice in my voice at what I perceived he meant.
Doctor Brussett came in later. He went to JC and Donna Lee and said he liked Green Eyes and Eighteen Wheels. I think he understands Donna a bit better now. He sure encourages me.
They were starting a dialysis when I left to come back to Red Bluff.

Thank all of you for your good wishes and encouragement. We love you for it. Jim and Donna...

Once again, Donna was a bit better today. She looked the same but the infections doctor said her white blood cell count is down to 15. He said 10 or below is ideal and reminded me that, a short while ago, her count was up to thirty.
I exercised her arms and feet and some to her knees several times today and rubbed them all with lotion.
I was singing a song to her and I moved my head to the side just a little bit and her eyes followed my face. I told the nurse but he said he had never seen her move her eyes. It happened again later and she is blinking some, too. I keep telling her to squeeze my hand but she hasn't yet.
Dr Brussett came in and I told him about her white blood cell count being at 15 and that it had been up to 30. He said that, at one time, it was up to 50. He told me again that Donna is getting a little bit better all the time. I told him that Donnas eyes followed me when I was singing to her and I moved my face. He said she probably could hear me.
He said he had patients who were ten times sicker than Donna and got well. He said one lady, after nine months, came by his office with her husband and they were living their lives just as they had before she got sick. I thank God every time he comes around. He always puts everything in perspective.

Thank all of you. We love all of you for your love and encouragement and support. Your friends, Jim and Donna...

Donna was better today. When I got there, a new male nurse met me and began to tell me of Donna's condition. He made it sound very bleary so I told him not to speak of Donna in terms of not getting better.
In a while, Doctor Brussett came in and we spoke. He was very encouraging. He said Donna is slowly getting better and warned me that some people may ask me when I intended to 'throw in the towel' and I told him that I would never give up on Donna. He said that is the perfect attitude. He said she is slowly getting better, even with a slight backstep once in a while and to keep up the positive thoughts. He said that even if it took six months or more in ICU, there is a good chance of full recovery and to never think otherwise.

Then the doctor specializing in infections came in and told me that Donnas 'white count' is down and that is a very good sign. I thanked him and Doctor Brussett for being there for us and for being so hopeful about Donna's recovery.
The dialysis tech lady came in then and started Donna on dialysis. Her numbers (bp-heart rate-oxygen, etc) stayed good and that is a good sign.
Then I got a bad stomach ache and had to leave before the dialysis was finished. I sure hope my stomach gets better by in the morning and is just a little 'half a day' bug.

Thank all of you good friends and relatives for your prayers and encouragement. Thank you relatives who e-mail us and you friends who comment here. We love you all for it. Jim and Donna...

Donna is about the same today as she was yesterday. That, in itself, is good news. She had dialysis this afternoon but they weren't able to get much fluid from her system and her heart was a bit erratic. The nurse says she is no worse. Thank the Lord for that. Thank all of you friends for caring. We love you. Jim and Donna...

I decided to start a new month. You can still read the earlier updates.

Donna was better today. She seemed relaxed, at least more than some other times. When I got there, I was told she would get another cat scan in a while; an abdomen, a lung and a brain scan. We'll probably have the results tomorrow.

I was exercising her arms and she opened her eyes! 'Yay!' She couldn't see me because she was in a semi-sleep state, between sleep and awake. I called the male nurse, Roger, (a really good guy) over and he said that was a very good sign. A nurse trainee started cleaning her mouth and got the swab a bit too low and Donna had a 'gag reflex', which is, also, a very good sign. Then she bit down on the swab. I felt like kissing her;-so I did!

She still hasn't been fully awake yet but she's getting closer. She didn't require a dialysis today and that was a good sign.

Please keep praying for Donna. She still has a long way to go. We love you all for your love and support. Your friends, Jim and Donna...